Secret Request Episode 1

When I was in high school I was a worthless fat loser, at 420 lbs from the beginning of freshman year till the summer before my senior year. When I finished school my junior year I had to take a remedial class and decided that if my summer was already going to suck I was going to make myself lose weight in the process, I was tired of being picked on. I ran daily and ate the right food to lose the weight I almost didn’t notice that I had gotten down to 180 lbs, which was my goal. I finally took a moment to notice the drastic change that had transpired in the three months prior. I was so proud and it showed I started dressing better and feeling great! While I was enjoying my victory there was bullshit going on. Her name was Sally.

When my senior year began I was still not used to the way people treat a “handsome” person, versus my previous “fluffy” appearance. I was dating a girl whom we will call Sally. Sally, her brother, her parents, and I occupied a house out in the country with only one neighbor a young couple somewhere around their mid to late 20’s, whom didn’t make an effort to talk to us when we moved in. One day Sally (in her infinite brilliance) decided to bring home a this guy who worked at our local Hot Topic store. As you can guess I caught on instantly. We broke up but neither of us moved out, we were about to graduate and Sally would be leaving state for college, while I still had no idea what to do, but I was confident I would be leaving as well. We had been dating for a couple of years, so I was very upset and wanted to be as far away from her as possible while still remaining close to the rest of her family as we had all become very close. So I made a choice that will forever be a ridiculous mistake with so many happy repercussions… Also a few not so happy ones.

 I was moving my things into the smaller house on the property that we lived on, when I looked up and saw Emily my neighbors wife. She was standing in the doorway of the little house and looking at me. She asked if I needed any help, I declined the help but asked her to stay and talk to me and she agreed. She stayed there and talked to me for hours about my ex, my situation, my past, everything. It was almost midnight when she strolled back home. The next few weeks were pretty awesome, hanging out smoking and talking, but never beyond that. One day I got a call to help a friend move, he lived about an hour or so away and all we were asked to do was help him pack. We packed him up except for his bed and three black carpenter trash bags of movies.There wasn’t room to add a toothpick to this trailer, he told me to take what I wanted and leave the rest. We said our goodbyes and he left. As soon as I finished my cigarette I made a mad dash for the bedroom where the movies were and began to dig and box them up. As I’m packing I hear Emily walk up behind me … I was expecting her to be waiting by the door tired and annoyed that we were still not on our way home. When I turned around … Emily was standing there, but annoyed was not what her mood not even close. She was totally naked and looked like a very hungry wild animal stalking prey. She jumped me, threw me around and I’m sure you know what happened.. a relationship (of some kind) was born.

 This bad idea “relationship” lasted a few more weeks before we ran into little .. speed bumps. First was her unsettling ability to lie without fail or any empathy or sympathy. For example I stayed at her house while her husband was gone for work.This man showed up the following morning while I was asleep … In his bed… With his wife. I was asleep and was awoken by this gigantic muscular man yelling “HEY….., I COOKED BREAKFAST GET UP AND COME EAT YOU TWO”. 

 This is it Rooster… this is how you die by the hands of a giant… I decided to face my fate with the same boldness that I commented the crime with. As I enter the kitchen I realize.. that’s bacon, and eggs…, waffles? He really cooked for us… I’m so confused at this point it takes me a minute to soak up what Emily told me as soon and “Brutus” was out of earshot. Emily looked at me almost confused and then I realized… she told her husband I was 100% homosexual. This man believed her and trusted me in bed with his hot young wife. 

 She was fucking crazy.. or him… Or maybe me at this point any and none are correct. After he leaves again this time for 3 months we begin going out to a few bars to catch the local concerts. We become friends with all of the nightlife talent and get invited to after party’s, casino party’s.. basically if you can add party to the end of it we were there. My friends and I somehow acquire a lake house and begin spending most of our free time there. I left one night with the intention of hanging out with a local band I knew. We all arrive at a party in progress, as we pull in I see Emily’s car. I begin to look for her as she was supposed to be doing something else and that’s why she wasn’t attached to my hip..  I catch her banging a guy with a serious mental disability at the party… I’m out… Too much, I couldn’t take the weirdness anymore.

 The next morning she is blowing up my phone, I ignore her to the best of my ability but curiosity got the better of me. I answer the next time she calls … She tries to convince me that I got her pregnant and I lost my mind. I drove to my mother’s house, threw my cellphone on her bed,and left. I stayed gone that night and returned the next morning to find Emily… ASLEEP ON THE COUCH IN MY MOTHERS HOUSE! I quietly made my way into my mother’s room to interrogate her, she had no idea Emily was there..(Later we discovered that she had broken in and went to sleep waiting for me). I woke her a little while after and after some talking she went home and I thought finally she’s gone and I can relax I’m safe at my mother’s house. Nope I was not safe.. I woke up at five am to find Emily wrapped around my legs …. I’m at my mother’s house… A 45 minute drive to an hour from her house … What the fuck was she doing there? She woke up and started talking almost as soon as her eyes opened … She told me every secret she had kept for me and some that weren’t even related and then yelled at me, slapped me, and ran out the back door… I have never again been on that level of confusion. I never saw her again, not even in public … No where.

 After a year passed I put on my favorite beanie that she loved to steal and wear, Inside there was a note she had written a very long time ago it read ” Your so young with an old soul, you have a spark in your eye.. that is your passion and your Spence of innocence this world hasn’t ruined that for you yet. Please after our time has ended do me one favor, never lose that spark, always be the man I know today” 
 If there was a lesson to be learned from my story it would be this. Wrap you dong because you don’t wanna knock up the psycho girl you only wanted to party with. Respect the institution of marriage ive been through both sides of this scenario and neither are good, if you are presented with a choice like this follow your morals. There is no better guide than your own morals and virtues. Finally…no woman is good enough to hide her crazy forever… And the ones that hide it, usually hide it for a reason. Lastly if you have a quality that shines bright, everyone can see it… Even the crazy ones.